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asperger's syndrome information and features

         

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Relationships

Relationship Counselling

Relationships

Relationships can be difficult for people with Asperger's for some of the same reasons that friendships are, but they also come with added difficulties.

Obviously to begin with it helps if you have some kind of social life, because if you don't the chances of meeting someone in the first place are very slim. Then if you are meeting people the chances of you meeting someone that you are compatible with are also much less than they would be for most. Even if you do meet such a person, the social rituals of flirting and dating etc. may not come that naturally.

There are some people with Asperger's who simply do not want to bother with relationships, but there are also many who do, and despite any obstacles or difficulties there might be, people with Asperger's do have relationships with neurotypical people as well as with other people with Asperger's.

Some people think that people with Asperger's are much better in relationships with each other because they are more likely to be compatible, but I think this very much depends on the personalities involved. I think the success of such relationships also depends on your expectations. Two people with Asperger's trying to have a neurotypical relationship is bound to be difficult. I think you need to be more flexible in your ideas of what a relationship is than that, for example, spending all your time together might not suit either of you.

Some neurotypical people fall in love with people with Asperger's but find it very hard to cope in a relationship. Neurotypical people have emotional needs that some people with Asperger's find it hard to satisfy. People with Asperger's are capable of love, and even of being very sensitive and passionate people, but we do not always express our feelings in the same way that most people do. Communication can also be a problem. People with Asperger's tend to be very literal and straightforward and we might expect others to be the same. Naturally this can lead to misunderstandings.

Despite all this though people can and do make it work. The way I look at it is that all relationships have their problems, and they can be just as tricky as these or worse even when both people are neurotypical. The thing with Asperger's is that you know ahead of time what some of those problems might be, so you can anticipate them, prepare for them, understand them, and maybe even avoid them.

Relationship Counselling

If you are in a relationship with someone who has Asperger's Syndrome it is possible that the differences between you, and what you expect and need from each other, could result in tension and conflict at some point.

If this is something you are experiencing you are not alone, and it does not mean that you are doing anything wrong. It may be the problems you are facing are a direct result of your partner being AS, or it may be that the problems come from elsewhere but that your partner having AS makes it difficult to resolve them due to differences in communication style and perspective on things.

If you think that relationship counselling may be of help to you, there are some that offer specialised services for people with Asperger's syndrome.

Relate Branches offering Asperger Services in the UK
Maxine Aston

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